Growing in God

In these last 2 months, there has been so many changes in my life. And I have had so many ups and downs. Life has been a roller coaster. There has been so many adjustments and I swear I have been twice as busy as I was before. Learning to do life without my Mom, has been very difficult and there has been good days and bad days. First off, I have kind of taken over a lot of my Mom's roles in the house. I do all the cleaning and the laundry, I do all the grocery shopping and plan all of our meals. I prepare most of our meals, or at least have them ready to go so all my Dad has to do it heat them up. I also have been doing a lot to help my brother out and make sure he gets through this last little bit of his senior year of High School. Not to mention, I am kind of the one throwing his Open House, but at least my family is being awesome and doing a ton to help me out with it. The next big thing, has been dealing with my Dad. Now, I am not going to go into deep detail on everything ...

It is official. I never thought I would ever say this in my life, but I HATE Mothers Day! Don't get me wrong, I think it is wonderful to acknowledge all that Mother's do for their children and to show them a little extra love on a special day to say thank-you. But, it is a day that really sucks for anyone who does not have a Mother to celebrate with. For me, Mother's Day was awful and painful this year. It hurt so much seeing everyone show their Mom's love and say things like "I love her so much. She's my best friend. So thankful for her". I hurt seeing people take pictures with their Mom's on facebook and brag how great their Mom is. It hurt, because those are all things I wanted to do with my Mom so badly. I wanted to wake up and make my Mom breakfast and bring it to her bed, I wanted to bring her a bouquet of flowers, I wanted to give her a special gift with the perfect card. I wanted to give my mom a huge hug and tell her how much I love her. I w...

Let me tell you, grieving sucks. Period. I would never wish for my worst enemy to have to deal with this kind of pain. Not having my Mom around hurts so much and I miss her so much. There is not a moment that goes by where I don't think about her and wish I could have her back with me. But in the middle of all my hurt and grieving, I am having to learn a "new normal" and learn to do life without her in it. And it has been hard. When my Mom died, I immediately stepped right into her shoes. I took over and started trying to be her. I have been doing all the cleaning, the laundry, the shopping, and also keeping up with everything going on regarding my brother's school. I have felt the need to kind of take over and make sure the house stays in order and that my brother continues to succeed in school. On top of that, I still work and have other commitments and things I have to do. And, in all honesty, I have been exhausting myself trying to keep up with it all. I have co...

This last month and a half or so has been the roughest time of my entire life. I have lost my mom. She is gone. On March 10, 2016 at 1:22pm my mom went to be with God in Heaven. Never have I felt so much hurt and pain in my entire life. Let me explain how this all went down, considering the last time I posted, my mom was doing great. So an explanation is necessary. In January, my mom got blood clots in her lungs and ended up in the hospital. She was treated for the clots and then came home. Although, she was only home for 4 days, and then she started throwing up uncontrollably. She ended up back in the hospital for a bowel obstruction. They first were treating her by just making her bowels rest and draining all junk out of her system through a tube in her nose. At first she made great improvements and started getting better. And then, she started getting sick all over again, and they sent her from the small hospital she was in, to the really big hospital just 45 minutes away from us....

So, I have made some big lifestyle changes. Mostly when it comes to my diet. I eat a hundred times healthier than I ever ate before. I so much less food in general, and mostly eat only healthy foods. Or I should say mostly foods high in protein and I try to get in some fruit and vegetable every day, too. And I am so proud with how far I have come regarding my diet and the big changes I have made to it. But, there is something I do need to work on changing more in my lifestyle. And that thing, is exercise! Now, don't get me wrong, I am fairly active on a day to day basis with my job and having to chase around kids all the time. But, I need to do more than just chase around kids at work. So, I have started trying to find some exercise things I can do. The first thing I have found that I am doing, is called "Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred". I have already done 2 days of it. The first day was brutal, I barely thought I was going to make it through. But, the second day went j...

As I continue to embark on this crazy journey called life, I have spent a lot of time trying to impress others, and make others proud of me. I, practically, have been trying to do this just for the approval of others and not necessarily to really make myself proud. I have been seeking to here the words "I'm proud of you". Well, I have a reached a point where I am done trying to impress others. And I need to focus more on doing this for me, and making myself happy and proud of where I am and how I am doing. I, honestly, have just come to this conclusion just recently. I have been feeling like my family and friends have finally been feeling proud of me and like I am worth while. They have told me they are proud of me and happy for me and they can see how much happier I am. I have started to feel a sense of approval from them. But, just recently, I felt like I still was not making everyone proud of me. There are just a couple of people in my life who I have yet to hear any...

So, last year at around this time, I wrote a blog post telling you guys about my goals for 2015. Well, let me just say HOLY CHEESE ITS!! I actually accomplished all of my goals for 2015! I, honestly, was not sure it was going to be possible, but God got me through it and made the impossible, possible. My first goal for 2015, was to help my mom beat cancer. And PRAISE GOD, my mom kicked cancers butt and sent it packing right out the door! She has been in remission since August and we are so thankful and feel so blessed! I am also just so happy to see her finally feeling good again and back to herself. Also, with having a granddaughter, my mom definitely is glowing and so happy! So God is definitely good on that front. The other goal I had for myself was to find a job and start really being more independent and take care of myself more. And yes, I did find a job. I was offered the job in the middle of July, and started in September. I work for a Before and After School Daycare Progra...