Changes!!

In these last 2 months, there has been so many changes in my life. And I have had so many ups and downs. Life has been a roller coaster. There has been so many adjustments and I swear I have been twice as busy as I was before. Learning to do life without my Mom, has been very difficult and there has been good days and bad days.

First off, I have kind of taken over a lot of my Mom's roles in the house. I do all the cleaning and the laundry, I do all the grocery shopping and plan all of our meals. I prepare most of our meals, or at least have them ready to go so all my Dad has to do it heat them up. I also have been doing a lot to help my brother out and make sure he gets through this last little bit of his senior year of High School. Not to mention, I am kind of the one throwing his Open House, but at least my family is being awesome and doing a ton to help me out with it.

The next big thing, has been dealing with my Dad. Now, I am not going to go into deep detail on everything going on with my Dad, as I don't want to bash him in any way, and I don't really want to share his personal issues on the internet. Just to keep it basic, my Dad has not been grieving very well and has been struggling a lot. To a point where we had to have a little intervention with him to convince him to get some counseling to get help. He, recently, has been doing better, but there still are things going on with him that are hard to deal with and in general he can be hard to deal with. I still love him, and I just continue to pray he continues his counseling and continues to make improvements and make wise decisions.

Next, we are in the process of going through the house little by little, and going through all of my Mom's things. That has been hard emotionally and mentally. We mainly are doing this because, at the end of the summer, we are going to be selling the house and moving into a condo. The main reason being financial. It is way cheaper to live in a condo than a house. Also, with my brother going away to college in the fall, me and my Dad don't need a whole house to just the 2 of us. And also having a condo will mean no yard work for my Dad, and less cleaning for me. The other thing is, it will just be kind of a nice fresh start for us and I think will help with continuing to move on. There is still a ton of work to be done on the house and a ton of things to go through before we can put it on the market, and the thought of all the work we have to do is just overwhelming. What is also overwhelming is the fact that this house has always been my Mom's and is the only house I have ever lived in, so it just feels weird doing this and is hard. It is something I am ready for, but it is still hard.

Lastly, I working on some personal changes. For one, I need more job. Right now, I only work part time. Which I love what I do and love my job a lot. But, financially, it just is not enough. I would love to be able to live on my own and not with my dad eventually, but, right now, I can't afford it. So, I am looking into trying to get more of a full time job. And I have been doing a lot of praying and thinking over this situation. I definitely feel like God is calling me to continue to work with kids. So, I have decided I am going to go for my CDA(Child Development Associates) so that I can get a full time day care job and make a little more money, and get offered benefits. That way I can get just a little bit closer to living on my own someday. I will hopefully begin classes sometime around the end of Summer/Beginning of Fall. And the program I intend to do is all online, so I can work on it when I have time, and I am hoping to get done with it in as short of time as possible.

With all that said, my life is clearly very busy. I am barely ever home most days with working and other responsibilities. And when I am home, there is always something that needs to be done and worked on. And it has been very physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. I have been learning lots of coping methods to keep myself busy and occupied and to de-stress. I also try to spend some time with God every single day to just ask for him to give me strength to get through each day, ask him to wrap his arms around me and guide me in my decisions, and to continue to be with me and my family in the grieving process and dealing with all these changes and crazy things going. I try to let God take control and guide me. I try to keep my faith and trust in Him. It is a lot easier said than done, but I am trying hard. God has been so far, and I am sure he will continue to be good to us and guide us. I just ask for all of your continued love and prayers, as well. Thank-you!

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