Growing in God

2018 is almost over! How freaking crazy is that?! I swear it was just yesterday that I wrote my post about 2018 just beginning!! And as 2018 wraps up and 2019 begins, it is that time where I just reflect on how this last year went for me and how well I accomplished my goals for the year. First off, I wanted to just make this another really good and positive and year. And 2018, definitely, was a very good and positive year. And I gotta say has been and even better and more positive year than even 2017 was. The first thing I wanted to do to accomplish that was dive deeper with the Lord and build my relationship with Him more. I definitely think I did that, maybe not quite as much as I initially wanted, but I still did that. And I think I keep getting better and better with that as time goes on. As far as my weight loss journey, my only goals for 2018 was to keep doing what I was doing and to get the skin on my stomach removed. And I was able to have the skin on my stomach removed, whic...

Today is September 22, 2018. Today I ran my first ever 5K!! I first signed up for this 5K back in May when I really started getting fully back into a good workout routine by going to the gym. I was thinking I had probably gone a little crazy at the time, but it was something I really wanted to do just to see if I could do it, and also just to prove to myself just how far I had come. I also was interested to see just how well it is I would do in a 5K race situation. And, boy, little did I know just how exhilarating it would be! Last night, I went to bed at like 10:30 in hopes of falling asleep at a decent time and getting a good nights sleep since I was going to have to wake up early and I wanted to be well rested! Well, I couldn't turn my dang brain off and it ended up being well after midnight before I finally got relaxed enough to fall asleep! So I woke up at like 6:30 this morning to get myself ready for the race. I was tired, anxious, and nervous! I got dressed, made myself a...

I seriously cannot believe that it has been 3 years since I had my Gastric Sleeve Weight Loss Surgery. On September 14, 2015 I made the single most greatest decision of my entire life to better my health by going in for my surgery. And at that time, I had no idea just how far I would come in this crazy journey and just how insane and wild this journey was going to be. Because, it has been difficult and wild and insane, but also wonderful and empowering and filled with lots of learning and growing moments. And I feel I have definitely come the furthest in this last year alone. In just this last year, I have lost an addition 20 pounds to the already crazy amount of weight loss I had. I feel like it has been because I have been working on myself A LOT mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually. At this time last year, I was very happy and proud of the progress I had made and of how far I had come. But, on the inside, I was hurting. I was still hurting a lot over the loss of my Mom and ...

A few weeks ago, I had a day that I had only ever dreamed of. I had a makeover and a photo shoot. And I really had been dreaming of having a day like that my entire life. Honestly, I did not enjoy having my senior pictures done and, while I was proud of my progress at my 1 year post op pictures, I still looked at them and couldn't help but think that I still had more weight to lose and I had all my sagging skin. I always hated having my picture taken and hated looking at pictures of myself. I never saw myself as pretty. And when people would tell me I was pretty, I would think they were lying to me just to be nice and they were just saying it because they didn't want to make me feel bad. Even when I went to Banquet my junior and senior year of high school, I didn't feel pretty or think I was pretty because I looked at all my class mates who were skinny and gorgeous. And I dreaded taking my picture with them because I thought I would be such an eyesore standing next to them ...

Today was one of those days that just got me doing a lot of thinking. And really made me realize a lot about myself and about my journey. I had a make over and photo shoot done yesterday just to really show off how far I have come in my weight loss journey and do something really nice for myself, to allow myself to feel good and proud and accomplished. And I had so much fun with the whole day and felt so pretty and happy! Today, I decided to go to Church still kind of using my look from the photo shoot, just to a slightly more casual degree. I wanted to look nice since I was being ordained as a deacon and also because I wanted to use my look one more time. And, the number one comment that I heard from nearly everyone today was, "Wow, you're really pretty!". I know that each person meant well and did not mean for it to come out the way they said it, but it still would kind of make me pause for a second and think, "did they honestly not think I was pretty before?...

I had my panniculectomy! If you don't know what that is, it is a surgery to remove extra hanging skin from the stomach. I had my surgery on March 19, and everything went very well. Surgery was around 3 hours long, and I remained at the hospital for a couple of hours after that just so I could wake up more. Also, they wanted to make sure my drains were not draining too much. Once all was good, I went on home to my Aunt's house. I stayed with her so she could help me out, since I really did not want my Dad and brother's help. First off, this surgery was definitely more challenging than I initially anticipated. My surgeon kept telling me it would be fairly similar to my arms. And I breezed through my arm surgery, it was a piece of cake and I had very little pain and I healed super well and quite fast. Well, this was different. This was my stomach. And everything was so tight at first, that I was walking hunched over like a little old lady, because it was too tight for me to ...

On this very day of March 10th, 2 years ago, was the worst day of my entire life. The day when my whole world got completely turned upside down. The day that I felt such an unbelievably strong pain, a pain so great, that I would never wish it even on my worst enemy. It was the day that my Mom passed away and went to be with God in Heaven. I still remember every moment so vividly and clearly. The images can never be erased from my mind. The sounds of crying and the sounds of my Mom taking her final breaths, still echo in my ears. I hear them in my nightmares. It all still feels so real and so present. Going through that kind of loss and pain, is just something that sticks with you forever. I will never forget, walking into my Mom's hospital room with my family and sitting beside her. Everyone but me and my younger brother left to talk with the doctors. I remember grabbing my Mom's hand an sitting beside her, desperately wanting her to squeeze my hand and wake up, but knowing...

I am so beyond excited! In just 3 weeks, 3 weeks from today, I will be having a Panniculectomy! What now? A panniculectomy is a surgery that removes the excess skin hanging from your abdomen. That skin, that some people refer to as the "belly apron" is called the pannis. So basically, I am going to be having that extra skin removed and then everything will be pulled together nice and tight and closed up. This is the plastic surgery I have been spending the last 9 months trying to get approved for by my insurance company. And after doing a 6 month waiting period, and collecting all kinds of proof for them that the skin causes me issues, I have finally been approved and am getting it done! I am scheduled for my surgery on March 19th! And I am super excited. Now, everyone keeps asking me if I am nervous or scared. And the answer is, no, I am just flat out excited. I mean, yeah, I know it is a major surgery and there will be some pain and discomfort and things like that for a...

Alright, let's be real here for a moment. I get praised and congratulated all of the time for my weight loss success and everyone I feel sees me as this person who does everything perfect and everything just right. Well, I am human, I am not perfect. In fact, I am far from perfect. I struggle, I have gains here and there, and I get off track. It happens. So, you know what, lets talk about how not perfect I am. Let me be real about where I am at right now in this journey. For starters, for a long time, I was on such a solid routine and I really didn't have too many struggles. Yes, my weight loss slowed down a lot, but it was kind of expected since my body I think is definitely reaching its "comfort zone" so to speak. But I was maintaining, with the occasional loss here and there. And here is the thing. I had a very good eating routine going, and I was super active. At my job, I was constantly moving and constantly busy and doing things. I rarely sat down and took a b...

Something that I feel like is never talked about among weight loss surgery patients, is the whole mental health aspect of it all. I mean, before I had my surgery I had a mental health evaluation done by a behaviorist at my bariatric office. And I was given tips on how to succeed after my surgery and was told that, mentally, I was very much ready for the surgery and could handle it. But no one really prepared me for the mental changes that would occur once I lost all the weight. First things first, you learn things about yourself that you never knew before. When you go from being a very over weight person, who can't hardly do anything and sometimes can't even do things for yourself, to being a normal healthy person that can do anything you want without any help, it's a huge mental change. Suddenly you find yourself not ever wanting to sit or take it easy, you want to be busy and doing things and being active. You also find yourself never wanting to ask for help because now...