Photo Shoot; Really Seeing a New Me!

A few weeks ago, I had a day that I had only ever dreamed of. I had a makeover and a photo shoot. And I really had been dreaming of having a day like that my entire life. Honestly, I did not enjoy having my senior pictures done and, while I was proud of my progress at my 1 year post op pictures, I still looked at them and couldn't help but think that I still had more weight to lose and I had all my sagging skin. I always hated having my picture taken and hated looking at pictures of myself. I never saw myself as pretty. And when people would tell me I was pretty, I would think they were lying to me just to be nice and they were just saying it because they didn't want to make me feel bad. Even when I went to Banquet my junior and senior year of high school, I didn't feel pretty or think I was pretty because I looked at all my class mates who were skinny and gorgeous. And I dreaded taking my picture with them because I thought I would be such an eyesore standing next to them and would ruin their pictures.

So, as I lost all my weight and started having my skin removed, I got into watching "Skin Tight" on TLC and the people on that show were all just like me and had lost a significant amount of weight and then had loose skin that they needed to have removed. And at the end of every show the people would get all dressed up and made to look pretty and have a grand reveal of their new body. And that made me really think, "I want to have that moment"! I knew I wanted to have moment where I did something for me and made myself feel pretty and feel accomplished and feel really good about myself. So, I, immediately began my day dreaming. I wanted to do my hair, make-up, and wear a pretty dress. I began my dress hunting and it didn't take me too long before I found my perfect dress and could not wait to put it on. And then next was hair and make-up, which a big thank-you to my cousin for being willing to help me with that as I am so clueless about that kind of stuff! And then I found my photographer which is a wonderful lady from my church named Indirah and she takes AMAZING photos. Once everything was planned, then came the big day.

I took a shower, shaved everything that needed shaving, I had gotten my eyebrows waxed a few days prior, and I went over to my cousins house so she could do my hair and make-up. Her and I went shopping together for my make-up so she would know what would look good on me and work for me. And as she was helping me and making look pretty, it felt so good. I felt the way I dreamed of feeling when I was getting ready for banquet. I felt excited and giddy. My heart was fluttering and I couldn't wait to see what I looked like when she was done. And when I looked in the mirror, I just smiled. I couldn't believe it, I looked so nice. And it was just a little light make-up, nothing crazy, and my hair was my natural curls, just styled to look nice for the pictures. And then, was the final big moment, putting on my dress. Which was a nice, fitted, halter dress. I slid it on, zipped it up, ran my hands down my body, loving just how skinny I felt. And when I looked up into the mirror, I was in awe. I just stared, and kept rubbing my stomach, slowly, up and down. This feeling of being so flat and thin was just so new to me, and I loved it. I couldn't help but smile and look at myself and just think, "I am actually pretty and I look good". And then, actually doing my photo shoot, I felt like a model or a princess. Indirah made it so much fun and she really encouraged me to just "strut my stuff" so to speak and relax and enjoy myself. Which I did. I had so much fun and never felt so good in all my life. I felt like I had accomplished a big goal and dream, and I was living a dream and enjoying a moment I had been waiting for my whole life.

Now fast forward to a little later down the road when I actually got my pictures and could see my pictures. Talk about a WOW moment. I couldn't believe the person I was looking at was actually me. I didn't even recognize myself. And for the first time in my life I was able to look at myself and say, "I am beautiful, not just on the inside, but also on the outside and I am worthy of everything life has to offer". I was seeing myself in a whole new light in a way that I could only imagine before, and now it was real. And looking at those photos, I really do see a new me! I am truly happy and confident in the woman I am growing into. And I am actually glowing with shear joy for life. Though I am still learning and growing, I have come so far. And I am seeing myself as the person I always was and the person God made me to be. My weight just kept me from seeing it before, and now I really can see it. I am a new me! I am made just the way God intended for me to be and I am a beautiful child of God, inside and out. I always will have things to learn and I will continue to grow and gain new knowledge through Him, but at least I can say that I have come a long way. I am worthy and I am beautiful. And I am so glad I got those pictures done!

Here are just a few of my pictures!





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