Growing in God

2017 is quickly coming to an end, and holy crap! I cannot even believe I am saying those words, it feels like it was just yesterday that 2017 even started. And this year, has been pretty crazy, but yet, really, overall, a pretty good year. I can't complain too much. So, lets take a look at the goals I had for last year. My first goal was to make this year a really good and positive year after having such a hard year in 2016. And did I accomplish that? I would say, overall, YES! This year was a very good and positive year. I mean, yes, I had some rough times in the last couple of months, but still, overall, I am doing well and still remaining pretty positive. 2017 has been a thousand times better than what 2016 was for me and my family. And there has been so many wonderful times and great things that have happened and overall it has just been wonderful. And it has been a full year of us living in our new condo, which has been so good for all of us, as well! Really helped with the ...

I am feeling a need to hit a refresh button on my life. Wipe my slate clean and begin anew. Why? Well, some details I won't go into on the internet. But mostly because of the way things have been for me the last couple of months. Let me start with I feel things were going just so good for me, that I feel like I was almost getting caught up in it. I was getting lost in just how good things were that I think I was letting some underlining insecurities pop up and take control. And then when I started dealing with something unbelievably difficult, my insecurities really came forward and things completely crumbled around me. And where do I feel I was the most lost in all of it? My faith. Since losing my Mom, I always seem to have a hard time of where do I turn when I need someone to talk to and help me through things. Because my Mom was always my go-to person for everything in my life and she helped me through everything. She was my rock and strength and she kept me sane. And sin...

Here is a very Happy Thanksgiving post to you all! As I sit here and think about everything I am thankful for, there is just so much that I am so thankful for. First off, I am thankful for all of the wonderful people I have in my life. My family, my friends, and my coworkers. To my family, thank-you for loving me and supporting me and standing by my side through thick and thin. I know you all would do anything for me and I cannot thank-you enough for that. To my friends and coworkers(some of my best friends) thank-you, also, for loving me and supporting me, especially in my worst of times. I know, especially in the last month, I have not always been the most enjoyable person and I am sure you had moments where I dreaded seeing me walk in the door. But even if that were the case, you guys still hugged me, loved me, sat with me, let my cry on you, vent to you, talk to you, and work things through with you. You have helped me in so many ways. And, again, I cannot thank-you enough for be...

Well, not I am just diving right into this post because I have no idea how to really start it off other than just diving in. So, here it goes. I am 2 years post-op from having my weight loss surgery. I have lost 219 pounds and I am so happy! I have never been happier! I can finally do everything I have ever wanted to do and I am a whole new me. I can ride roller coasters, wear normal people clothes, sit criss-cross-applesauce, cross my legs, go up a flight of stairs without being winded, run around and play without being tired, clean my house without feeling like I am going to die, I can climb a sand dune, an so much more! I love it and love where I am! But, with this weight loss, I have learned some things about myself. These things I have learned about myself, have been just recently, with having my arm surgery and being in this "recovery phase" and having to "take it easy". First thing I have learned, "taking it easy" just is not my vocabulary. And ...

So, on August 16, 2017, I had my arm lift surgery or brachioplasty. Going into it, I was very excited, and I had fully expected for there to be some pain and some challenges. I had it in my head that I would be laid up for awhile and things were just going to be challenging for awhile. Well, this has been a way easier experience than I anticipated, and even though it was a pretty major surgery, it hasn't felt all that major. Let me just explain. On the day of my surgery, I went in at around 11:00 and they got me all prepped, hooked me to an IV an things like that. And my plastic surgeon actually has an operating room in his office, so I was at his office, and not a hospital. Shortly before my surgery, my surgeon came in, he drew on my arms and made marks where he was going to do the cutting, and where he was going to do the liposuction. And then after that, I was given the "happy juice" and then brought to the operating room where I was put to sleep. The surgery lasted ...

For those of you who don't know, I work in daycare as an Assistant Teacher in a Preschool room (3&4 year-old's). I absolutely love my job, I really do. I feel like I am where I am suppose to be and like I am right where God wants me. But, just because I love it, does not mean it is always easy. In fact, there are some days, I want to run away screaming. In this post I just want to talk about what it is really like working in daycare. Now lets start off with the best parts of the job. For me, the absolute best part of the job is getting to interact with the kids and helping them grow and learn and become the people God is calling them to be. I love watching them learn and play and get smarter and stronger in everything they do. Also, you never know what a kid will say or do, and sometimes, it just makes you burst into laughter and makes your day so much better. And getting lots of hugs, kisses, and "I love you's" makes it all worth while. And getting to inter...

I got a couple of things I just HAVE to post about. Because both are pretty big things for me and pretty big updates in my life and this whole crazy weight loss journey I have been on. First off, I have a HUGE NSV(Non-Scale Victory) to share. Yesterday(7/14/17) I went to "Michigan's Adventure" with my younger brother and my 9-year-old niece, Sophia. I have not been there for years. And the last time I was there, most of the rides, I wasn't even able to go on because I was too big and couldn't fit. I remember even being tossed off one of the rides and I felt humiliated! I felt so self-conscious and felt like I really wasn't getting to enjoy the park. But this time, I felt so confident and so excited, and I was proud to march up to every single ride and hop on and ride them with absolutely no problem! There was one roller coaster that I never even rode on before because I was too scared and because I knew I probably wouldn't fit. And this time I walked rig...

When you are working to lose a lot of weight, all you imagine is yourself going from this big, ugly, fat person, to this skinny, healthy, pretty person. That is all you think about, and the thought of extra skin just doesn't really cross your mind. Not until you start realizing the problems the loose skin is causing you and until you start really seeing it and realizing what it looks like. That is what it has been for me, just coming across this realization that I have a lot of extra skin, and it is causing me problems. So what does having loose skin truly feel like? Well, I feel like it is something that is kind of hard to fathom until you actually have it for yourself. The feeling I hate the most, is the feeling of the loose skin bouncing around and hearing the sound of it slapping together. The skin also just feels so heavy and makes things so hard on me. So, let me try to talk about what each part of my loose skin feels like. First is my stomach. My biggest problem area. Th...

I decided is probably time for me to update on where I am at in this whole crazy weight loss journey. In total, since beginning this whole process, I have lost 212 pounds. I started out weighing 401, and now weigh 189! So crazy and unbelievable for me. I am able to do so much more, I have so much energy, and I can where cute and in-style clothing that is normal people clothes. Seriously, I now wear a size medium shirt and size 12 pants! Crazy, especially since I used to wear 3X-4X shirts and 30-32 pants! I am so happy with myself and how far I have come. But with all that weight loss, comes the loose skin. I have so much extra skin hanging on me, and I hate it. My stomach skin causes me so many problems. The main thing being back pain. My back hurts all the time, and I try to do things to help it not hurt so much, but it still isn't perfect. The other issue is that I get rashes underneath my belly apron and in my belly button a lot, too.  And they are awful, painful, sometimes it...

At my church we just finished up a sermon series all about transformation. And this particular sermon series really hit home to me as it really made me think about my own life and this crazy journey I have been on in becoming more independent, getting healthy, and becoming closer to God. And it really hit me how much I have transformed and changed. And it made me realize even more how good God is and that he works in the most mysterious and crazy ways. So, let me just tell you all my transformation I have gone through. 2 years ago, I was in such a dark place. I had no job, I was extremely obese and unhealthy, and my Mom was going through cancer. I was doing as much as I could to be helpful to my Mom and I was trying hard to keep myself fairly busy, but it didn't matter. No matter how happy and ok I looked on the outside, on the inside, I was very depressed. I would look at myself in the mirror and see nothing but a fat, ugly, worthless, useless, good-for-nothing human being. I f...

Time to update you all on where I am at in life! It has been awhile don't ya think? So, let me just give ya a brief rundown. First off, I am absolutely loving our new home! The condo is so nice! It takes very little time to get it cleaned, and we live so close to much stuff. I use so much less gas living where we live now and it is wonderful! Plus it is just such a nice and cozy little place to live and I like it a lot. I love this fresh start and I definitely feel so good about our home. There are some things I miss about our old home, but, overall, I love our new home a lot, too! Second, I am getting super close to actually getting my CDA. I have officially completed all of my coursework and passed the class. So, now, I just gotta get all of my materials printed off and organized into a binder to send off to the council to be reviewed. And then from there take the next steps to getting my CDA. I am getting really excited about this because once I get my CDA, I will get a pay ...

So, I just turned 23 on February 6. Initially, I was trying desperately to avoid my Birthday and to just skip right over it. Mostly because I was having a lot of anxiety over my Birthday and there were a lot of painful memories from last year that kept resurfacing and haunting me. To the extent where I was having nightmares that were keeping me from sleeping good at night. Also, I probably was a little bitter over the fact that I never got to celebrate my Birthday one last time with my mom, because she was in the hospital last year on my Birthday and we never got to celebrate together before she got super sick and ended up passing away. So, I just did not want to celebrate my Birthday. To top it off, the Saturday before my Birthday, I was having car trouble and was just over all frustrated and sick of being an adult. I just was not having it and did not want to celebrate at all. But, those who love me wouldn't let me skip it. First off, my wonderful family made me feel very love...

Well, we are completely settled into our new condo! We got moved in on January 2, so we have now been living here for close to 3 weeks. I was so excited for this new fresh start, but I didn't fully realize how tough this would be, either. Let me first start off by saying that I do LOVE our new place! It is really nice, really close to a lot of stuff, and is so much easier to take care of and maintain. I am loving it. But at first it took some adjusting. When we first got moved in and I said good-bye to our house, I was very emotional over it. It had really hit hard that I was going to be leaving the place that I grew up in and lived in my entire life, and that I was going to be leaving the place that will always be "My Mom's House". I had a brief meltdown and I cried, I almost felt like I was leaving my Mom behind and part of me behind. And when I got back to the condo, I had a hard time calling it my "home". It did not feel like home at first. It felt...

2016 has come to an end. And all I have to say is that it is about time! 2016 was just a very rough year on me and my whole family. Starting out with watching my Mom be horribly sick and then going from that to watching her die, was the most awful, painful thing for us to go through. And since saying goodbye to her, it has been such a rough journey of learning a new normal and learning to do life without her. It has been incredibly difficult and was not something I had in mind for 2016. But there has been some good things that have happened this year as well. As far as my goals I had last year for myself. The first goal I had was to continue to work to make money so I could be even more independent. And that goal I for sure succeeded in. And in fact, I ended up saying goodbye to my old job as a before and after school child care worker and started a new job as a Preschool Teacher's Assistant at an actual daycare and it is full time instead of part time. I love my job and I am mak...