Learning New Things About Me!
Well, not I am just diving right into this post because I have no idea how to really start it off other than just diving in. So, here it goes.
I am 2 years post-op from having my weight loss surgery. I have lost 219 pounds and I am so happy! I have never been happier! I can finally do everything I have ever wanted to do and I am a whole new me. I can ride roller coasters, wear normal people clothes, sit criss-cross-applesauce, cross my legs, go up a flight of stairs without being winded, run around and play without being tired, clean my house without feeling like I am going to die, I can climb a sand dune, an so much more! I love it and love where I am! But, with this weight loss, I have learned some things about myself.
These things I have learned about myself, have been just recently, with having my arm surgery and being in this "recovery phase" and having to "take it easy". First thing I have learned, "taking it easy" just is not my vocabulary. And that is because since I have lost all my weight and am able to do so much, I want to be busy and always moving and doing my very best and working hard all the time. Because I don't want to be that fat person who didn't do anything anymore, I want to be the me that always works super hard and does her job to her fullest potential. And a long with that realization. I found another thing about myself.
When at work, I started having a lot of pain in one of my arms and all my coworkers kept telling me to go home and to just take it easy. I refused. In some ways I was being dumb and I realize that and I feel terrible for how I was acting. I spent half my night tossing and turning over it, and crying over it. And I realized, something. One of my reasons for not wanting to go home was purely the fact that I can't afford to lose any hours at work. But, that is not what I realized. The main thing I realized, is I am being so stubborn about not wanting to "take it easy" is out of pure fear. Now let me explain. I have spent 99% of my life not being able to do hardly anything because my weight held me back. I spent most of my life "taking it easy" and letting people do things for me because I had to, because I couldn't do things for myself always. And I realized that I am scared of going back to being that person again. I want to keep being busy and not sit and "take it easy" because I don't want to become that person again. Right now, I can't really workout, I have tried, but it hurts my arms, so I stop. The only exercise I am doing it going for walks. And I think what I am doing is using being at work, as my way of "working out". Thus I am over doing it and over working myself. Purely because I am scared of becoming the person I once was again. I don't want to be the person that had to let people do things for me because I couldn't do them for myself. I don't want to be the person that always "took it easy". I want to be who I have become, being able to do everything for myself and not have to let people do things for me. I want to be busy and active and non-stop. But I am doing it at the expense of myself and those around me. Making myself miserable and hurting the people I love and care about because they are seeing me hurt. This is the realizations I have come to learn about myself.
Somehow I will work past them. I will spend some extra time with God and get it figured out. I will talk with people and help myself more. And I will try harder to "take it easy" and not let my fear get in the way.
I am 2 years post-op from having my weight loss surgery. I have lost 219 pounds and I am so happy! I have never been happier! I can finally do everything I have ever wanted to do and I am a whole new me. I can ride roller coasters, wear normal people clothes, sit criss-cross-applesauce, cross my legs, go up a flight of stairs without being winded, run around and play without being tired, clean my house without feeling like I am going to die, I can climb a sand dune, an so much more! I love it and love where I am! But, with this weight loss, I have learned some things about myself.
These things I have learned about myself, have been just recently, with having my arm surgery and being in this "recovery phase" and having to "take it easy". First thing I have learned, "taking it easy" just is not my vocabulary. And that is because since I have lost all my weight and am able to do so much, I want to be busy and always moving and doing my very best and working hard all the time. Because I don't want to be that fat person who didn't do anything anymore, I want to be the me that always works super hard and does her job to her fullest potential. And a long with that realization. I found another thing about myself.
When at work, I started having a lot of pain in one of my arms and all my coworkers kept telling me to go home and to just take it easy. I refused. In some ways I was being dumb and I realize that and I feel terrible for how I was acting. I spent half my night tossing and turning over it, and crying over it. And I realized, something. One of my reasons for not wanting to go home was purely the fact that I can't afford to lose any hours at work. But, that is not what I realized. The main thing I realized, is I am being so stubborn about not wanting to "take it easy" is out of pure fear. Now let me explain. I have spent 99% of my life not being able to do hardly anything because my weight held me back. I spent most of my life "taking it easy" and letting people do things for me because I had to, because I couldn't do things for myself always. And I realized that I am scared of going back to being that person again. I want to keep being busy and not sit and "take it easy" because I don't want to become that person again. Right now, I can't really workout, I have tried, but it hurts my arms, so I stop. The only exercise I am doing it going for walks. And I think what I am doing is using being at work, as my way of "working out". Thus I am over doing it and over working myself. Purely because I am scared of becoming the person I once was again. I don't want to be the person that had to let people do things for me because I couldn't do them for myself. I don't want to be the person that always "took it easy". I want to be who I have become, being able to do everything for myself and not have to let people do things for me. I want to be busy and active and non-stop. But I am doing it at the expense of myself and those around me. Making myself miserable and hurting the people I love and care about because they are seeing me hurt. This is the realizations I have come to learn about myself.
Somehow I will work past them. I will spend some extra time with God and get it figured out. I will talk with people and help myself more. And I will try harder to "take it easy" and not let my fear get in the way.
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