Transformation!

At my church we just finished up a sermon series all about transformation. And this particular sermon series really hit home to me as it really made me think about my own life and this crazy journey I have been on in becoming more independent, getting healthy, and becoming closer to God. And it really hit me how much I have transformed and changed. And it made me realize even more how good God is and that he works in the most mysterious and crazy ways. So, let me just tell you all my transformation I have gone through.

2 years ago, I was in such a dark place. I had no job, I was extremely obese and unhealthy, and my Mom was going through cancer. I was doing as much as I could to be helpful to my Mom and I was trying hard to keep myself fairly busy, but it didn't matter. No matter how happy and ok I looked on the outside, on the inside, I was very depressed. I would look at myself in the mirror and see nothing but a fat, ugly, worthless, useless, good-for-nothing human being. I felt like I was a disappointment to everyone around me, especially my family. I could feel their disappointment in me every time I was around them. And each time they made a snide remark about my not having a job or being overweight, it hurt a lot. Because I knew how true it was and I felt like there was absolutely nothing I could about it. Because it seemed like no matter how hard I tried, I just wound up back in failure. I went to way more job interviews then I even told my family about. I stopped telling them when I would go in for an interview because I didn't want to disappoint them if I didn't get the job. And I felt like my weight was keeping me from getting a job because I felt like all people saw in me was a fat person who looked like she could barely walk to the front door, let alone work a busy job. I had no confidence and self worth. I thought I was just a waste of oxygen and often found myself wondering why I was even still alive. I found myself asking God what it was he wanted of me all the time. I kept saying to God, "I know you have a plan for me, and I am trying hard to trust you and trust in that, but I am having a hard time with it, I feel so lost, and I just don't understand what it is you want of me!" I finally came to a point, where I screamed at God, "Ok, God, just tell me where you want me to go and what you want me to do. Place the door you want me to open in front of me and smack me in the face with it, because clearly, I am too stupid to find it and open it for myself!" And well, be careful what you ask for.

It wasn't too much longer after I had my screaming fit at God, that my Aunt Sallie and my Mom both approached me and talked to me. They both told me that they were very worried about me, and that they wanted to help me. My Mom said to me that if something were to happen to her, she wanted to know that I would be ok. She wanted to know that I would not die shortly after her from being so over weight, and she wanted to know that I would be able to take care of myself and be independent and have my own job where I could afford to take care of myself. I then confessed to the both of them my feelings of how I felt like my weight was holding me back, and they asked me if I had considered weight loss surgery. I told them I actually wanted to bring it up to my Mom before she got sick, but then when she got sick, I thought it was no longer and option. But my Mom told me that if it was something I wanted, we would figure it out. And so began my journey to having Gastric Sleeve Surgery.

During the summer I went to one appointment after another, and finally got a surgery date set for September 14. It was also over the summer that I got a phone call to interview for a job working for the Z-Kids Program at Zeeland Public Schools, which is a before and after school daycare program. I went in for the interview and just a week later, got the phone call telling me I got the job. I was so excited! Even though it would only be part time, it was at least something to get me started, and I love kids, so having a job to work with kids really excited me! I began my job, and then on September 14, 2015, I had my Gastric Sleeve Surgery.

Having the surgery has not been easy. It still has been a lot of work and I have had to learn a lot of new things about my body along the way. I have had ups and downs, but overall I have been successful. And then on March 10, 2016, my Mom passed away from her Ovarian Cancer. Again, it was a dark period for me. I was hurting and didn't understand why it was my Mom had to be taken from me. But I turned to God, the only person I could find comfort and peace in. And I continued to work hard for my Mom, to make her proud. A lot of people around me thought I would wind up right back where I started when my Mom died. They thought I would gain my weight back. But, I didn't. Though I did plateau a little bit very briefly, I worked through my grief, pushed through, got back on track, and continued to succeed. And it was over the summer, that I got a phone call to come interview for a full-time job at Lakeshore Little People's Place, which is a daycare. I went in for the interview, and it was just a few short days later, I got another phone call telling me I got the job. And just 2 weeks later, I left my job at Z-Kids, and started full-time at LLPP. I immediately fell in love with my new job, and I continued to work hard on my weight loss.

So where am I right now? Well, it's April 2017, and I am a whole new me! I have lost 210 pounds! I have so much more energy and can do so many more things! I can climb stairs without getting winded, I can run around and play with kids without being exhausted, I can sit criss-cross-appleasauce, I can cross my legs, I can wear size medium shirts, and 14 pants. I have had to get a whole new wardrobe! I can ride roller coasters and sit in any seat I want without having to worry about fitting. I finally see myself as a beautiful person, the person that God has made me to be. I have gained enough confidence in myself that I sing on my church praise team and I don't worry about what people think about me. I love my job, and I am able to pay for things myself, and no longer have to rely on anyone to pay for something for me. I am completely independent and I love it! I am so happy and so proud of myself for how far I have come. And I hope my Mom is just as proud of me! I have transformed into a whole new me, into the person God always knew I was and always wanted me to be. I just finally see myself as that beautiful and worthwhile person! I am worth it, I am beautiful, and I am confident in who I am, and comfortable in my own skin! I give all the glory to God for carrying me through and helping me to succeed! And I thank all my friends and family for your love support and prayers!

This is my story of transformation! What's yours?

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