Growing in God

Today was one of those days that just got me doing a lot of thinking. And really made me realize a lot about myself and about my journey. I had a make over and photo shoot done yesterday just to really show off how far I have come in my weight loss journey and do something really nice for myself, to allow myself to feel good and proud and accomplished. And I had so much fun with the whole day and felt so pretty and happy! Today, I decided to go to Church still kind of using my look from the photo shoot, just to a slightly more casual degree. I wanted to look nice since I was being ordained as a deacon and also because I wanted to use my look one more time. And, the number one comment that I heard from nearly everyone today was, "Wow, you're really pretty!". I know that each person meant well and did not mean for it to come out the way they said it, but it still would kind of make me pause for a second and think, "did they honestly not think I was pretty before?...

I had my panniculectomy! If you don't know what that is, it is a surgery to remove extra hanging skin from the stomach. I had my surgery on March 19, and everything went very well. Surgery was around 3 hours long, and I remained at the hospital for a couple of hours after that just so I could wake up more. Also, they wanted to make sure my drains were not draining too much. Once all was good, I went on home to my Aunt's house. I stayed with her so she could help me out, since I really did not want my Dad and brother's help. First off, this surgery was definitely more challenging than I initially anticipated. My surgeon kept telling me it would be fairly similar to my arms. And I breezed through my arm surgery, it was a piece of cake and I had very little pain and I healed super well and quite fast. Well, this was different. This was my stomach. And everything was so tight at first, that I was walking hunched over like a little old lady, because it was too tight for me to ...

On this very day of March 10th, 2 years ago, was the worst day of my entire life. The day when my whole world got completely turned upside down. The day that I felt such an unbelievably strong pain, a pain so great, that I would never wish it even on my worst enemy. It was the day that my Mom passed away and went to be with God in Heaven. I still remember every moment so vividly and clearly. The images can never be erased from my mind. The sounds of crying and the sounds of my Mom taking her final breaths, still echo in my ears. I hear them in my nightmares. It all still feels so real and so present. Going through that kind of loss and pain, is just something that sticks with you forever. I will never forget, walking into my Mom's hospital room with my family and sitting beside her. Everyone but me and my younger brother left to talk with the doctors. I remember grabbing my Mom's hand an sitting beside her, desperately wanting her to squeeze my hand and wake up, but knowing...

I am so beyond excited! In just 3 weeks, 3 weeks from today, I will be having a Panniculectomy! What now? A panniculectomy is a surgery that removes the excess skin hanging from your abdomen. That skin, that some people refer to as the "belly apron" is called the pannis. So basically, I am going to be having that extra skin removed and then everything will be pulled together nice and tight and closed up. This is the plastic surgery I have been spending the last 9 months trying to get approved for by my insurance company. And after doing a 6 month waiting period, and collecting all kinds of proof for them that the skin causes me issues, I have finally been approved and am getting it done! I am scheduled for my surgery on March 19th! And I am super excited. Now, everyone keeps asking me if I am nervous or scared. And the answer is, no, I am just flat out excited. I mean, yeah, I know it is a major surgery and there will be some pain and discomfort and things like that for a...

Alright, let's be real here for a moment. I get praised and congratulated all of the time for my weight loss success and everyone I feel sees me as this person who does everything perfect and everything just right. Well, I am human, I am not perfect. In fact, I am far from perfect. I struggle, I have gains here and there, and I get off track. It happens. So, you know what, lets talk about how not perfect I am. Let me be real about where I am at right now in this journey. For starters, for a long time, I was on such a solid routine and I really didn't have too many struggles. Yes, my weight loss slowed down a lot, but it was kind of expected since my body I think is definitely reaching its "comfort zone" so to speak. But I was maintaining, with the occasional loss here and there. And here is the thing. I had a very good eating routine going, and I was super active. At my job, I was constantly moving and constantly busy and doing things. I rarely sat down and took a b...

Something that I feel like is never talked about among weight loss surgery patients, is the whole mental health aspect of it all. I mean, before I had my surgery I had a mental health evaluation done by a behaviorist at my bariatric office. And I was given tips on how to succeed after my surgery and was told that, mentally, I was very much ready for the surgery and could handle it. But no one really prepared me for the mental changes that would occur once I lost all the weight. First things first, you learn things about yourself that you never knew before. When you go from being a very over weight person, who can't hardly do anything and sometimes can't even do things for yourself, to being a normal healthy person that can do anything you want without any help, it's a huge mental change. Suddenly you find yourself not ever wanting to sit or take it easy, you want to be busy and doing things and being active. You also find yourself never wanting to ask for help because now...

2017 is quickly coming to an end, and holy crap! I cannot even believe I am saying those words, it feels like it was just yesterday that 2017 even started. And this year, has been pretty crazy, but yet, really, overall, a pretty good year. I can't complain too much. So, lets take a look at the goals I had for last year. My first goal was to make this year a really good and positive year after having such a hard year in 2016. And did I accomplish that? I would say, overall, YES! This year was a very good and positive year. I mean, yes, I had some rough times in the last couple of months, but still, overall, I am doing well and still remaining pretty positive. 2017 has been a thousand times better than what 2016 was for me and my family. And there has been so many wonderful times and great things that have happened and overall it has just been wonderful. And it has been a full year of us living in our new condo, which has been so good for all of us, as well! Really helped with the ...