Growing in God

Thinking back to being a student sitting in the seats of Holland Christian's auditorium during chapel, I remember hearing a lot of great speakers. Some were just funny, others had amazing stories that you could just never forget, and some just really hit home with the lessons they were teaching. I always really liked when past students of HC would come back to do a chapel and share things they have learned, it was always interesting to hear how far they had come in their lives. And I remember thinking to myself on occasion, "if I were to be asked to speak in chapel, what would I talk about?" At that time, I really never could think of anything that would really make people listen to me, and also I was too afraid of panicking and having a nervous breakdown. But lately, now that I am older, a little wiser, more mature, and have gone through a lot more of life, I feel have more to say. And, for some reason, lately, God has been putting a lot of things on my heart and giving ...

On September 14, 2015, I had a surgery that changed my life forever. I had my gastric sleeve surgery. It was on that day, that I began a very hard, but yet very worth while journey, that I do not regret one bit. I have come so far and have become a whole new person. I started out weighing 401 pounds, I wore size 4X shirts and size 30-32 pants. I had little energy and would get tired and winded easily. I never wanted to do anything. I couldn't fit on hardly any rides and had to worry about weight restrictions where ever I went. I couldn't sit criss-cross applesauce or cross my legs. I barely had a lap for kids to sit on and couldn't play very much with kids before I would get tired and need a break. I felt fat, ugly, disgusting, and like I wasn't worth anything and like I was nothing but a fat, useless piece of crap. I hated myself and was very depressed. Now, I am a new person. Now, I weigh 219 pounds, I wear size Large shirts, and 18 pants. I have so much more ener...

So, it has been awhile since I have updated on my life happenings for this blog of mine. Lets just say I have been quite busy and there has been a lot going on. For starters, I now work for an actual daycare, full time, instead of the part time job I had working for a before and after school program at one of the local public schools. I am absolutely LOVING my new job! There are a lot of really great people that I work with, the kids are great, and the job itself is busy, but fun, so the days go buy fairly quickly. There are some trying moments and rough days, but that happens no matter what kind of job you have, but despite the occasional rough day, I still love what I do and am very happy at my job and I feel like I am right where God wants me. Where are things at with our house? Well, it is for sale and on the market. We have had a few people come and look at it, but have not had any offers yet. Really hoping and praying we sell it soon, because I really think we all(me, my Dad,...

We make plans and God laughs. That is what my Mom used to tell me all of the time. And it really has hit me how true that is, just by looking at my own life.  Ever since I was little, I have always wanted to be a writer. I remember writing all kinds of little stories and stapling them together. My Mom saved them an always joked with me that she was going to sell them one day when I became a famous writer. As I got older I got more into writing stories in my notebooks. It was my favorite past time. And all through High School, I told everyone I wanted to go to school for Creative Writing. When I looked into college, that is the major I was aiming for. My whole plan for my future, was to become a writer. Well, lets just say God must have really been laughing hard every single time I told someone what I thought I was going to be doing for the rest of my life. Because, things definitely did not work out that way. I started college, planning on that creative writing major. I only...

Yesterday was June 10. Yesterday marked 3 months since my Mom went home to be with God. 3 months since she lost her battle with cancer. 3 months I have been living without her and doing life without her. 3 long and painful months. As I sit here in the living room alone on this Saturday night, I look across the room and see the empty rocking chair. The chair where my Mom would be sitting, playing her solitaire game while watching what ever happens to be on Ion on the TV. And her and I would have conversations about life, or about the TV show. That is what I should still be doing right now, but I am not. Nope, now I sit and stare at the empty chair, wishing for my Mom to be sitting in it. Everyone keeps telling me "it will get better" or "it will get easier". But I have yet to believe them. Every day I miss her more and more and want her back more and more. Every day I wish I could just hear her voice, see her smile, and feel her hugs. The only thing that I would ...

In these last 2 months, there has been so many changes in my life. And I have had so many ups and downs. Life has been a roller coaster. There has been so many adjustments and I swear I have been twice as busy as I was before. Learning to do life without my Mom, has been very difficult and there has been good days and bad days. First off, I have kind of taken over a lot of my Mom's roles in the house. I do all the cleaning and the laundry, I do all the grocery shopping and plan all of our meals. I prepare most of our meals, or at least have them ready to go so all my Dad has to do it heat them up. I also have been doing a lot to help my brother out and make sure he gets through this last little bit of his senior year of High School. Not to mention, I am kind of the one throwing his Open House, but at least my family is being awesome and doing a ton to help me out with it. The next big thing, has been dealing with my Dad. Now, I am not going to go into deep detail on everything ...

It is official. I never thought I would ever say this in my life, but I HATE Mothers Day! Don't get me wrong, I think it is wonderful to acknowledge all that Mother's do for their children and to show them a little extra love on a special day to say thank-you. But, it is a day that really sucks for anyone who does not have a Mother to celebrate with. For me, Mother's Day was awful and painful this year. It hurt so much seeing everyone show their Mom's love and say things like "I love her so much. She's my best friend. So thankful for her". I hurt seeing people take pictures with their Mom's on facebook and brag how great their Mom is. It hurt, because those are all things I wanted to do with my Mom so badly. I wanted to wake up and make my Mom breakfast and bring it to her bed, I wanted to bring her a bouquet of flowers, I wanted to give her a special gift with the perfect card. I wanted to give my mom a huge hug and tell her how much I love her. I w...