Cancer: It Sucks!

When you find out someone you love has cancer, there are so many thoughts and emotions. When the doctor first came in the room, after removing my moms gall bladder, and told me and my aunt that she had cancer, I literally went numb. I felt as if a ton of brick dropped on top of me and I was just stuck underneath them. I felt like I couldn't breathe, and I lost it, crying, barely taking a breath in between sobs. The pain, is indescribable. You can't truly understand it, unless you are going through it. I could try to tell you all I want what it feels like, but you cannot truly understand it, unless you go through it yourself. I barely remember what happened after the doctor told us. I remember holding my aunt tight. I remember trying to call people, but being unable to, so my aunt made the calls. I remember walking up to my moms hospital room. But that is it. I then remember crying so much I gave myself a nasty headache and I remember trying to eat lunch, but the food seemed gross and made me feel sick. I was so terrified. When you hear the word cancer, you automatically think the worst. You feel hopeless, helpless. I felt like my whole life just came to screeching halt and then was just going in slow motion, painfully. The first couple of week following that, were really rough. I kept trying to deal with my emotions, my thoughts, but just continued being afraid. I read as many Bible verses as I could and listened to as many songs as I could that would help me feel better. I prayed to God, sometimes even just crying out to him. Once we had the diagnosis and could begin treatment, I settled down. That was until the chemo treatments started to hit my mom hard. She had one week that was really bad. She was throwing up and having diarrhea, violently. Seeing my mom so sick terrified me, and I had a breakdown. That was a rough week. I wanted to make it all go away, to take my moms sickness and pain away, but I couldn't do it. I hurt all over again. But then my mom's medicines were changed and she finally started to have some good weeks. And we got into a rhythm and I finally felt God telling me that we will get through it. It will be a long road an it will be painful at times, but we will get through it. Also, my mom has lost all her hair. Another thing that was difficult to deal with at first, but now I have coped with it and have come accept it. I just remind myself that will grow back when this is all over with. We even managed to have a good Christmas. I only broke down once when I came down with a stomach bug on Christmas Eve and thought I wasn't going to be able to be anywhere near my mom on Christmas Eve and go to our party. But, thankfully, I was feeling better by the evening and was able to still participate in our Christmas Eve festivities. My mom had another rough week this past week, but we think it is because she had a touch of the Stomach bug. Again, it was rough, but we got through it. All in all, cancer sucks, end of story. There is no other way to put it besides, it sucks. But, one thing I have learned, is God can get you through anything. Just hold onto God and trust him, and you will get through it. Just got to take it one day at a time. Though cancer sucks, God is awesome, and is so much bigger than cancer. God will get us through it!

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