My Life Story: Up To Now
Well, it I probably should start off this blog with giving you all a run down of where I started in my life journey. For your sake I will try very hard to not drag this out too long. I will group each part of my life by age and try to just highlight on the important things. Now, I am not trying to make you guys feel sorry for me or anything like that, since I know there are people out there who have gone through way worse than I have gone through. I am merely just trying to give you all a better picture of why I am the way I am. So, without further blabbering, lets get this thing started!
Newborn-2nd Grade:
I was a pretty happy-go-lucky little girl who lived in your average Christian home. We prayed before we ate dinner, went to church on Sunday, and I even attended a Christian School. In Kindergarten I met my very dear, best friend, Kendra Kolean. At that time Kendra was really my only friend, and her and I shared many crazy adventures, that I am not going to mention because that is a whole blog post of its own. Kendra is also the one person in life that I have always been able to turn to for anything, and I appreciate that a lot about her. But, now we need to move on before I turn this post into me gushing about my best friend non-stop! In 2nd grade is when things really started to change for me. I had my tonsils out over Christmas Break, which that all went fine and dandy. But it wasn't long after that, that my doctor started to get concerned about my weight. And that is when I began to have test after test, and began to see doctor after doctor. Which, my 2nd grader mind didn't really fully understand.
3rd Grade-7th Grade:
In the last few years of elementary school, I saw more doctors than I can even remember. I was saw nutritionists, dietitians, doctors to help me with things I was going through mentally, and I don't know what else, I lost track. Basically, I was diagnosed with Insulin Resistance, which in a nutshell, means my body produces more insulin than what it is taking in(resisting it), which makes feel like I am hungry all the time, even when I am truly not hungry. I was put on medications to help my body not resist the insulin, but the meds caused mood swings that no elementary schooler should have. I was scanned and poked and prodded way more than your average kid. And I was sometimes just down right nasty and I had a hard time making friends. And on top of that, I question God a lot about why he let me be overweight and why I was the way I was. I would have moments of being depressed and angry. But most people didn't realize it because I was good at wearing a mask to hide it. It wasn't until Middle School that I finally started to figure out the whole friendship thing more. But I still struggled with weight problems and still saw doctors a lot, and still was taking meds, and still struggled with having moments of being depressed and having mood swings. And becoming a teenager didn't really help the situation. And starting puberty was awful on me, lets just say I saw yet more doctors and had to have yet more scans. And was discovered to have Polycystic Ovary Disease and I was put on birth control to regulate things. And again, I continued to question God.
8th Grade:
This is put into a category of its own, because this was kind of a big year for me. For one, I was taken off my medications because they were not helping me much and they actually would sometimes cause my blood sugar to drop and make me feel sick. So that stopped with some of the high emotions and mood swings. But then came January of 2008. I was at youth group on Wednesday night when I started to have some pain on my right side. But we had been playing dodge ball and the pain just felt like a bruise from one of the many dodge balls I got hit by(I never was good at the dodging part). So I ignored it and went about my night. The next morning, the pain was worse, but I ignored and went on about my school day. As the progressed, the pain did not go away or get any better. I told my mom about it when I got home. She said I just pulled a muscle and told me to take some Tylenol and IBprofen. Well, as the weekend continued it got worse, and the pain meds really did not help. It got so bad that I could not sleep in my bed, I had to be sitting straight up in our rocking chair, otherwise I couldn't breathe. I also started to develop a cough. That is when my mom finally took me to the doctor. I was given a chest x-ray. The doctor thought she saw something, so ordered for me to have a cat scan done. I did and then went home to await the phone call. The next day was a Tuesday. We ended up having a snow day from school and my mom got put on call from work. So me, my siblings, and my mom were at home. Me and my siblings decided we wanted to go sledding, so I started to get my stuff on. I had one leg in my snow pants when the phone rang. My doctor called, I needed to get to DeVos Children's Hospital right away because they found a blood clot in my right lung. So me and my parents packed up and left for the hospital where I was admitted into the Intensive Care Unit(ICU). I was hooked up to all kinds of wires, had a tube put in my nose to oxygen, and I had an IV put in my right hand and was poked 8 times to get a second IV in my left arm. To top it all off, I had to use a commode for a toilet and had to have sponge baths. At that precise moment, I decided God hated me and I lost any faith I still had. After a couple of days in the ICU and being forced to quit my birth control, I was moved into a normal hospital room with an actual toilet and an actual shower! It was in that room that my mom pointed out to me that God must really love me, because I was still alive. I then thought back to before I went to the hospital. I was supposed to have been in school, I was supposed to have been working on choreography for the 8th grade play I was in, my mom was supposed to be at work, and I was just about to go sledding when the phone rang. If I would have had school that day, or if my mom wouldn't have been home to get the phone call, or if I would have gone sledding, I would be dead, and I wouldn't be making this blog post. I realized, God did love me, and I found God again.
High School:
I had a great High School experience, for the most part. I made a lot of new friends, and became close with a lot of great people. My faith wasn't really anything special though, until June of 2011. June 18-25, 2011 was my mission trip to Nassau, Bahamas with my youth group where we worked at the All Saints AIDS Camp to do construction work. It was there that I was challenged physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I did work I never thought I was capable of doing. I learned so many valuable lessons from the most amazing people. In particular it was a resident by the name of Miss Moxy. Miss Moxy was paralyzed from the waste down and had AIDS. But she had the most amazing faith in existence! She praised God for everything and went by the motto "Be thankful every day". It was her who made me realize, that my life was pretty good, and I was very blessed and had a lot to be thankful for and that I always would have something to be thankful for, no matter how much life sucked. I went home from that trip with a newfound faith, that continued to grow during my Senior year of High School. I became so much better in my faith and started to do daily devotions, reading my Bible, and praying more. And it was all that, that helped me get through a very rough last half to my Senior year. Again, that situation would be a blog post of its own. But basically, a lot of stuff going in Dutch Dance, that lead to my instructor assaulting me in the middle of the street while we were in the middle of the Dance. I kept my trust in God and just gave the situation to him. And it all turned out great in the end!
Present:
Now, I am out of High School. Have been for 2 1/2 years now. And the fact is, I am still growing and learning. October 23, 2014 was when we found out my mom had Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. And my whole world came crashing down. The fear is always there, but I know a serve a big God and I am trying to trust him and just let him control the situation and have it in his hands. I also am currently trying to find what is God's call for me. I am job hunting, and trying to be able to move out of the house. It isn't easy. In fact, most days I feel like a failure and a disappointment. But, I am going to trust God and rely on him, and with his help, I will help my mom beat cancer, I will find a job, I will move out, I will accomplish my one big dream of someday getting married and having a family of my own. I am still growing and learning, and that is all there is to it.
To close, I am where I am because of my experiences. I have come to find God in a way I didn't before. I am a stronger person. I still struggle with my weight, but I hope for that to improve, too. I am hoping to continue to grow and learn, and accomplish my dreams. And I feel it is possible for me to do with God at the center of everything. Because God is so big and nothing is impossible with him. So I hope that as my journey continues, I will find true happiness in myself, and feel like I am accomplished. And with 2015 just around the corner, I say, time to start fresh and begin anew!
Newborn-2nd Grade:
I was a pretty happy-go-lucky little girl who lived in your average Christian home. We prayed before we ate dinner, went to church on Sunday, and I even attended a Christian School. In Kindergarten I met my very dear, best friend, Kendra Kolean. At that time Kendra was really my only friend, and her and I shared many crazy adventures, that I am not going to mention because that is a whole blog post of its own. Kendra is also the one person in life that I have always been able to turn to for anything, and I appreciate that a lot about her. But, now we need to move on before I turn this post into me gushing about my best friend non-stop! In 2nd grade is when things really started to change for me. I had my tonsils out over Christmas Break, which that all went fine and dandy. But it wasn't long after that, that my doctor started to get concerned about my weight. And that is when I began to have test after test, and began to see doctor after doctor. Which, my 2nd grader mind didn't really fully understand.
3rd Grade-7th Grade:
In the last few years of elementary school, I saw more doctors than I can even remember. I was saw nutritionists, dietitians, doctors to help me with things I was going through mentally, and I don't know what else, I lost track. Basically, I was diagnosed with Insulin Resistance, which in a nutshell, means my body produces more insulin than what it is taking in(resisting it), which makes feel like I am hungry all the time, even when I am truly not hungry. I was put on medications to help my body not resist the insulin, but the meds caused mood swings that no elementary schooler should have. I was scanned and poked and prodded way more than your average kid. And I was sometimes just down right nasty and I had a hard time making friends. And on top of that, I question God a lot about why he let me be overweight and why I was the way I was. I would have moments of being depressed and angry. But most people didn't realize it because I was good at wearing a mask to hide it. It wasn't until Middle School that I finally started to figure out the whole friendship thing more. But I still struggled with weight problems and still saw doctors a lot, and still was taking meds, and still struggled with having moments of being depressed and having mood swings. And becoming a teenager didn't really help the situation. And starting puberty was awful on me, lets just say I saw yet more doctors and had to have yet more scans. And was discovered to have Polycystic Ovary Disease and I was put on birth control to regulate things. And again, I continued to question God.
8th Grade:
This is put into a category of its own, because this was kind of a big year for me. For one, I was taken off my medications because they were not helping me much and they actually would sometimes cause my blood sugar to drop and make me feel sick. So that stopped with some of the high emotions and mood swings. But then came January of 2008. I was at youth group on Wednesday night when I started to have some pain on my right side. But we had been playing dodge ball and the pain just felt like a bruise from one of the many dodge balls I got hit by(I never was good at the dodging part). So I ignored it and went about my night. The next morning, the pain was worse, but I ignored and went on about my school day. As the progressed, the pain did not go away or get any better. I told my mom about it when I got home. She said I just pulled a muscle and told me to take some Tylenol and IBprofen. Well, as the weekend continued it got worse, and the pain meds really did not help. It got so bad that I could not sleep in my bed, I had to be sitting straight up in our rocking chair, otherwise I couldn't breathe. I also started to develop a cough. That is when my mom finally took me to the doctor. I was given a chest x-ray. The doctor thought she saw something, so ordered for me to have a cat scan done. I did and then went home to await the phone call. The next day was a Tuesday. We ended up having a snow day from school and my mom got put on call from work. So me, my siblings, and my mom were at home. Me and my siblings decided we wanted to go sledding, so I started to get my stuff on. I had one leg in my snow pants when the phone rang. My doctor called, I needed to get to DeVos Children's Hospital right away because they found a blood clot in my right lung. So me and my parents packed up and left for the hospital where I was admitted into the Intensive Care Unit(ICU). I was hooked up to all kinds of wires, had a tube put in my nose to oxygen, and I had an IV put in my right hand and was poked 8 times to get a second IV in my left arm. To top it all off, I had to use a commode for a toilet and had to have sponge baths. At that precise moment, I decided God hated me and I lost any faith I still had. After a couple of days in the ICU and being forced to quit my birth control, I was moved into a normal hospital room with an actual toilet and an actual shower! It was in that room that my mom pointed out to me that God must really love me, because I was still alive. I then thought back to before I went to the hospital. I was supposed to have been in school, I was supposed to have been working on choreography for the 8th grade play I was in, my mom was supposed to be at work, and I was just about to go sledding when the phone rang. If I would have had school that day, or if my mom wouldn't have been home to get the phone call, or if I would have gone sledding, I would be dead, and I wouldn't be making this blog post. I realized, God did love me, and I found God again.
High School:
I had a great High School experience, for the most part. I made a lot of new friends, and became close with a lot of great people. My faith wasn't really anything special though, until June of 2011. June 18-25, 2011 was my mission trip to Nassau, Bahamas with my youth group where we worked at the All Saints AIDS Camp to do construction work. It was there that I was challenged physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I did work I never thought I was capable of doing. I learned so many valuable lessons from the most amazing people. In particular it was a resident by the name of Miss Moxy. Miss Moxy was paralyzed from the waste down and had AIDS. But she had the most amazing faith in existence! She praised God for everything and went by the motto "Be thankful every day". It was her who made me realize, that my life was pretty good, and I was very blessed and had a lot to be thankful for and that I always would have something to be thankful for, no matter how much life sucked. I went home from that trip with a newfound faith, that continued to grow during my Senior year of High School. I became so much better in my faith and started to do daily devotions, reading my Bible, and praying more. And it was all that, that helped me get through a very rough last half to my Senior year. Again, that situation would be a blog post of its own. But basically, a lot of stuff going in Dutch Dance, that lead to my instructor assaulting me in the middle of the street while we were in the middle of the Dance. I kept my trust in God and just gave the situation to him. And it all turned out great in the end!
Present:
Now, I am out of High School. Have been for 2 1/2 years now. And the fact is, I am still growing and learning. October 23, 2014 was when we found out my mom had Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer. And my whole world came crashing down. The fear is always there, but I know a serve a big God and I am trying to trust him and just let him control the situation and have it in his hands. I also am currently trying to find what is God's call for me. I am job hunting, and trying to be able to move out of the house. It isn't easy. In fact, most days I feel like a failure and a disappointment. But, I am going to trust God and rely on him, and with his help, I will help my mom beat cancer, I will find a job, I will move out, I will accomplish my one big dream of someday getting married and having a family of my own. I am still growing and learning, and that is all there is to it.
To close, I am where I am because of my experiences. I have come to find God in a way I didn't before. I am a stronger person. I still struggle with my weight, but I hope for that to improve, too. I am hoping to continue to grow and learn, and accomplish my dreams. And I feel it is possible for me to do with God at the center of everything. Because God is so big and nothing is impossible with him. So I hope that as my journey continues, I will find true happiness in myself, and feel like I am accomplished. And with 2015 just around the corner, I say, time to start fresh and begin anew!
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